2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction WInner Garrison Spik

Suite101 contributing writer, Garrison Spik, has the distinction of being the 26th winner of the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. In addition to crafting purposely obtuse sentences for the world-renowned literary parody contest, Spik is a well-traveled director of communications for a diamond importer in Washington, D.C., a freelance writer/copy writer and an avid music-lover.

Suite101: What inspired you to enter this year’s contest?

Garrison Spik: I first heard about the contest while working as a copywriter at an ad agency in Tokyo. Two of my co-workers told me about it, and since then I’ve been an admirer … and I’ve aspired to win it. I always thought it would be a genuine writing accomplishment.

I guess it was around 1999 that I started writing bad sentences, collecting them in a single Word document. I just kept writing and writing and writing, adding sentences as the ideas came. But I never entered until this year. Why, I don’t know. Probably because I was having fun just writing the sentences for myself and, as often happens in life, I just never got around to doing it. But this year I decided to enter; I chose eight of my favorites and sent them in on April 15, an auspicious day if there ever was one.

S: How do you feel about winning such a tongue-in-cheek contest?

GS: Based on the number of entries, and the anticipation and hoopla surrounding the yearly results, it’s clear the contest is held in great esteem by English-language writers and humor-lovers around the world. It’s the equivalent of the Nobel Prize in literature, the primary dissimilarity being the $999,750 disparity in the prize money. So, I’m honored that my prose captured the brass ring, or the Bakelite ring as the case may be. I’m thrilled to be the worst writer in the world, at least for the next year.

S: How did you come about writing your now award-winning sentence?

GS: I penned the sentence intentionally. I could never write a sentence like that with a straight face, thinking that it was good. It’s so obviously a monstrosity.

S: This year’s contest attracted thousands of entries. What do you think made yours stand out?

GS: First, I think it sounds like the opening sentence of a really bad novel, which is what the contest is all about. I’d guess many entries don’t pass muster on this score. Second, it’s subtle. It’s horrific imagery and humor doesn’t hit you over the head like Moe Howard wielding a wooden mallet. In this respect, I suppose you could say it’s quite literary. To put it another way, it’s as if I wrote it in earnest, the first line of my Great American Novel, thinking it was really magnificent but unaware it was a big mess. Fortunately, people are laughing with me, not at me. At least I hope that’s the case.

S: Do you have any writing plans for the future?

GS: I’m keeping my day job, but I always have my ear low to the ground. I want to take a stab at blogging/socio-political commentary, so I’ve thrown together wryfidelity.com. It’s bare bones now, but I really want to polish it and keep it current. Of course, I want to continue contributing to Suite101.

I have pages and pages of notes and ideas for what could become a novel. Believe it or not, I even have stacks of 3-by-5 index cards with notes and ideas. Talk about old school. You never know. As with anything, it’s all about finding the time and gumption to sit down and do it.

For more information on Garrison, visit his website and read more about his accomplishments.

Interview with 2008 Bulwer-Lytton winner.

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